One thing about being disabled and poor is that it's really, really tiring. Being disabled is tiring, being poor is tiring--being both at the same time just kind of squishes all of that into the same feeling, but more intense.

Sometimes I feel like a cheetah in a poorly maintained zoo. A high-stress creature forced to exist in an even more high-stress environment. One whose needs aren't being met: not enough food, not the right kinds of food, severely lacking in enrichment.

And the thing about being stressed all the time is that it is exhausting.

It takes up all your energy, and you don't have nearly as much time to enjoy things. Even when you want to! I'm lucky in that I have a number of things I enjoy and am capable of doing, but a lot of the time it's too expensive to do the things that interest me--and when it isn't, I can't get transportation, or I'm just not in the right headspace to enjoy anything because I'm so busy either being stressed or pretending that I'm not stressed.

I can't stand for long enough hours to work retail or food service, and while I'd probably be alright at some kind of data entry office job, I simply don't have the qualifications--or the skills I'd need to get those qualifications.

In a perfect world, one where I didn't have to stress so much about money, I think I'd like to be an artist. Not strictly drawing or painting--I just like making things! I don't actually do much visual art, but I like sewing and crafts and using beads. I'd like to take classes and learn how to do ceramics, and metalsmithing, and needle felting, and all sorts of other things.